i know that a lot of people worry about finding someone to spend the rest of their lives with. i have never found myself in that situation. i value my solitude: i find it serene and uncomplicated, and i have seldom been lonely. i don't think i have ever had a bout of depression, in the clinical sense. anything that may have brought about a similar emotion in me in the past was due to over-intellectualization. i still have a tendency to overthink things but i have successfully fought back this sinking feeling that drains all of my energies. but maybe this is just how effective my defense mechanisms are, and that i have more or less given in to the powers of suggestion: if i keep telling myself that i don't need someone, or that a (soul) mate is a creation of people who cannot be complete in themselves, then i will believe it.
recently, i complained about how i am unable to do many of the things i would like to do. i said, i just can't find the time. but could it also be that i am just uninspired? then the next question would be: have i used up all my internal inspirational reserves, that i need an outside source to provide me with reasons to go on dreaming?
i had just helped a man find something he was looking for. i don't know how soon i would come around to asking the same question, and whether the answer would be as simple as pointing to a given direction.