climb

rehab

hi. my name is alman, and i am an addict.

my addiction has gotten in the way of most everything else that i do. i was not able to run, swim, and work out. i haven't been able to read even a page from a book. i have left dirty dishes to stink on the sink, and laundry scattered on the floor. i have not managed to update my blog even with so much interesting things taking place. and during the worst moments, i have completely skipped meals, i have refused sleep, and even neglected my family. my addiction consumes me in the worst possible way. i commit myself to a shell of solitude, out of which there is little escape. in the few moments that i have been able to pry myself out of this dark, asphyxiating tomb, i am suddenly possessed by an inexplicable desire to return, and dig myself into the ground. i could not cover my grave completely. i am ashamed of it, and i think the best way to rid myself of this uncontrollable and destructive habit is to come clean by admitting that i have been lured into the wrong path, and that i need, most of all, the help and support of people around me to restore me to the road of recovery.

it began during the lull from work just before christmas when i happened to drop by the makati cinema square. i don't normally go there. i used to have these silly principles about intellectual property: believing myself to be also an artist, i was sensitive about being an accomplice in the grand theft of ideas and creations. piracy is a crime, and the purchase of pirated property is no less reprehensible. but somehow, i've twisted those ideas by juxtaposing them against the unlimited might wielded by people who are probably not artists themselves: that my actions were a statement against commercial greed, or something like that. how easy it is for our values and mores to be set aside when framed against logic and reasoning. with my "principles" diluted, i began stepping into previously uncharted territory: the patronage of pirated movies and videos.

i only hoped their company would quell the creeping loneliness of the long holiday. but instead of patching holes of inactivity during those few days off of work, i fell, completely, into the trap of doing nothing else but glued to my laptop monitor, viewing more than 100 episodes of 8 seasons of 6 television shows, both past and current, some of them i strung in marathons lasting more than 14 hours. this is precisely the reason why i do not have television where i live, and refuse to buy one although the prices of LCDs have dropped dramatically, it is almost stupid not to consider snapping one.

i hope to be fully recovered by the end of this week. i am down to my last 2 or 3 episodes of the final remaining show. i will wean myself out of this awful addiction: get back to training, pick up a book, take up badminton again perhaps. i thank those friends who invited me to sneak out of my house so that i could be separated from the screen: unwittingly, you all made me realize that there are many things more important than absorbing light, shadow, and sounds.
Oh Alman, my dear!
(Anonymous)
How awful (or is it, haha)! Feel free to drop by our pad anytime. We're into baking pies (mince meat and chicken) and scones these days. We'd be happy if you could sample them. -ALTGoh