it has come to a point where i want to reassess my relationships with certain groups of people. i am finding the threads of our friendships weak and waning. i want to make myself a little more scarce. i want to fade, become less conspicuous, disappear maybe, catch up on my reading, fill in some blanks of a few unfinished poems. i am beginning to find many of my hedonistic endeavors pointless, too focused on the self, and even unproductive. i want to write more than i already do. as i populate my circle with people who are differently-inclined, i am starting to notice that i am becoming less literate. i want to filter the blood that runs through me. i am turning more paranoid than i usually am. i am starting to feel that people are ganging up on me. i am tired of these very old jokes. and i may not necessarily want new ones. they’re pedestrian and petty. i want to throw a tantrum. i want to walk out on a discussion, ultimately realizing that there is no point arguing with mediocre minds. the more intelligent person loses. i always lose. i want to point out to people that they’re inferior to me. i want to be taken more seriously. not some walking freak show, or coin-operated stand up comic act. i want to be out-of-character for a while. i am losing energy. i need to find new sources of inspiration. i don’t want to reduce the size of my universe. i want to be found, discovered. not used, drained, and discarded.