alman is dead

in the roland barthes sense, that is. it is risky business, unraveling yourself to the public the way a web log does. keeping a journal on the internet is not unlike undressing in a display window of a mall on a very busy pedestrian sidewalk. and the people who happen to pass by, intentionally or otherwise, may tend to draw conclusions based on what they see. in my case, once you let fly a particular combination of words, the mad scramble to associate what has been written to an event, an emotion, a person, is almost certain to go awry. what is clear is that despite encasing myself in glass cage, what people see is just the surface. no one, save myself, is truly privy to my thoughts, the inner workings of my brain. people may try to figure me out, and those who think they have are the first to fail. the only ones who succeed, i think, are those that don’t even try.

now returning to barthes’s theory, i -- my thoughts -- am separate from the text that i produce. they are merely an approximation of what goes on inside me. while what i write on the blog is generally not fiction, but autobiographical narratives, the text itself is merely a dramatization -- a fictionalization, if you will -- of actual feelings, thoughts, and things that have taken place. alman, as author, truly is dead, and his conscientious reader ought not say: “alman must’ve meant...” or “alman must feel...” or “alman must be thinking...” remove the author -- which is me -- in any of those sentences, and the reader would be in a better position to understand what has just been written.

note to self: intellectual masturbation assumes, first, that you are an intellectual. don’t do it again. it’s rather painful.
blogged to death
Get back to your travelogue writer mode again =) Parang hindi bagay sayo ang drama queen attitude hehehe

And if you must know I've taken up blogging because of you. Ang sarap pala mag-type kay sa magsulat. Pag nasa notebook/journal baka may maka-dampot pa mahirap na (i.e. your mother or the maid). I think the web is a more convenient medium (chos!) so one can inflict one's self-important thoughts on the world.

Re: blogged to death
it isn't drama per se, but just something i thought of due to a recent entry i made. see, the text really has a life of its own, and the reason i get misinterpreted is that people may tend to read the words as the most accurate depiction of my life or my thoughts. but the process isn't as seamless as that. there are many ways to express a certain emotion, and between the precise time that i felt that to the time i make my choice of expression, there already is some kind of fictionalization. so when someone reads what i've written, attempting perhaps to understand my feelings, there is some intellectualization going on. so really, the reader is three times removed from what i may have actually felt. so his or her interpretation should benifit him or her alone, and shouldn't be associated to me. okay, so now i'm not making much sense. but yeah, i miss traveling and writing about travel. this AMCI training is taking its toll on me. i really should sit down and write those travelogues.

and who are you, by the way?