30 days

in 30 days, on the 30th of august, i'll be 30.

ever since i officially stepped into the late twenties category, i have always expected the day in which i turn a year older as an opportunity to make grand life-changing realizations. nothing of the sort has happened, unfortunately, and i think that i am still largely unsure of what it is that i really want to happen to me. even now that i am knocking on an age which a fleeting soul such as myself would dread as the deadline for not taking things seriously, i am afraid that i still cannot say whether or not i know where i am headed. it seems i have a general destination in mind, but i make spur-of-the-moment turns every now and then, that getting there is delayed by detours and unwise shortcuts. that i have an imagined destination isn't good enough. i should've mapped out my course from the very start.

but such is not the fate of someone who chooses to live life spontaneously. not many might agree with what i have just said, but my life is a lot less rigid, and a lot more random than most might think. but that it is a choice seems fairly clear. i do not necessarily believe in a pre-ordained destiny chosen by the stars. i am making my own destiny. and i have to get there soon.

since profound realizations and great epiphanies have escaped me these last few years, i might as well dismiss the idea that it is something organic or at the very least, naturally-occurring. since i am pressed for time, i might as well induce it. force myself to say something like, eureka!

so in the next 30 days, not necessarily every day, i have decided to make 30 random ruminations about my life so far. i have no idea how to go about it, or if i have any specific structure at the back of my mind, except that i hope, somewhere between today and 30 days later, on the day i turn 30, after i make 30 reflections about my ideas and views and beliefs and experiences, i would have found at least one of the threads that will lead me to where i should be headed.

i have taken many steps in this journey. i hope to have at least an idea how far or how near i am from my destination.

in 30 days, on the 30th of august, i'll be 30.
Para sa August 30:Happy Birthday !
what the f___k are you talking about!?! your only turning 30! so long as you know what you what to do 10 years from now and your going towards it, your ok. what whatever comes to block it, get rid of it. life is not life if you dont get the bad together with the good. and besides at 47, i still dont know what to do when i reach 60. all i want to do is stay alive at 60 so i can reach 80 without any diapers. LOL
Almandave, advance happy birthday!
:) Jen Anarna