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31 things: some things you don't know about me

it seems pretty clear, with just two days to go before the big three-one, that there is very little chance i will ever get this list to reach 31, unless i come up with some quick, short entries on a few trivial things -- which is not to say that the past few ones have been anything but trivial insofar as many people are concerned. to rush the articles would be to come up with a list that's complete, but tenuous at best. i did start this countdown with a disclaimer -- that with the current state of things, it was unlikely i would complete the list. nonetheless, it does not mean i shouldn't try. for this installation, i list a few things people would be surprised to know about me.

14th thing: i'm a sentimental fool
i have inherited my grandmother's tendency to not throw anything away. while i may not be the most organized person at this, you will find buried underneath my things mementos of things past, such as a small note written to me by a classmate in sophomore high school, or an ID card issued to me in the early 90s. each time i clean my room, i decide to forget, that is, i banish several things from my archives and assign them to the trash can. each time, i get to haul a big plastic bag of old and tattered pages, or dusty bric-a-brac. but my collection doesn't seem to reduce in size. there are still many things left behind.

the reason for this might be the fact that i have difficulty letting go of the past, or that i have problems remembering, so i have to keep memory pegs to assist me in figuring out my own history. this blog, and the written journals i have kept in the past, my propensity to document things in various ways (through photos, accounts, tickets never thrown away) are part of this sentimentality. and i don't like to change that.

15th thing: i keep to myself
people think that i am articulate and expressive. while this might be true, this has nothing to do with my ability to articulate or express my emotions. i'm all bottled up. i keep everything in, i don't discuss my issues or my problems. i have pretty secure walls surrounding me. i am more likely to talk about very personal things with a complete stranger than with close friends. while i find many different ways of expressing myself, through my writings, my photography, my poetry, my sketches, my drama, truth is, no one really knows that much about me. and this has largely to do with the fact that i am:

16th thing: i am a loner
i have expressed in an earlier entry that i enjoy my solitude. well, it is more than that. i just don't prefer to see movies on my own, or shop by my lonesome, or travel by myself. although people think that i am gregarious, to the extent that i have once won a "kaibigan ng bayan" survey (true, i don't really dislike anyone for no apparent reason), my closest friends are still pretty distant -- something which i prefer. this might come as a surprise when i have just said that i am sentimental, and i value even the everyday things that have no apparent value, but i would prefer not to be too attached to any particular person. i don't get too close, in other words. why? because i probably cannot bear separation. i would be devastated by it, that if i grow apart from anything that's too close to me, it would break my heart. i don't know whether this has anything to do with the fact that

17th thing: i have commitment issues
when people say that i am passionate about everything i do, they are likely unaware of the other end of the spectrum: i easily get cold feet. i am always very very involved at the beginning, until perhaps i am spent, near the end, that i get tired rather quickly. i can't seem to get myself to prolong my undertakings or endeavors. the few things that have remained are as follows: writing, photography, travel, and mountaineering. i have quickly gotten tired of lawyering, of pursuing graduate studies, of establishing an NGO, etc.

18th thing: i'm actually shy
surprised? well, it's true. i am more likely to back out of anything if put on the spot. while i may be imbued with a bit of with and enough self-effacing humor to embarrass myself so others may have a good laugh, i don't like the spotlight focused on me. i don't actually crave attention contrary to what people may think. i'm just pretty confident and have a lot of ideas about how things ought to be done, but i will not willingly expose myself to national fame if it means putting myself to shame.

19th thing: i can actually keep a secret
i'm very talkative. i can talk about anything and everything without pause. but this doesn't mean i'm a tattle-tale. i don't like rumors. i don't appreciate spreading false accusations. i myself have fallen victim to wild tongues, so when i hear anything that i think shouldn't be broadcast, even if they're true, i really just try not to think about them too much and shove them back -- way back so i don't find the need to talk about them. many times, i have received sensitive information which i've kept in confidence longer than necessary. when people confide in me, they can trust that their secrets will remain that way unless they desire the opposite, because i could easily spread the word if necessary. right now, many recent things which may have been news to many were already known to me long before. i sometimes don't know why people itch to share rumors, or even things that are true, when they know that some things are best kept secret.
shy? hmmmm... that's a bit odd... hahahahaha

so, what have you been up to? haven't heard from you since the last time i saw you in Greenbelt... :)
"i'm all bottled up. i keep everything in, i don't discuss my issues or my problems." yeah like your love life. but then again you said "i have commitment issues" So I guess that explains it. HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLD HAG! LOVE YOU!
It might be fun to have a kid that I could kick around
Create in my own image like a god
Id raise my own pallbearers to carry me to my grave
And keep me company when Im a wizened toothless clod
Lou Reed, Beginning of A Great Adventure

Happy Birthday Alman!!
17th thing
(Anonymous)
Sir Alman, pano yun bmc? i hope you haven't emptied yourself out and that you're not tired of being our director.. =)

although you indicated mountaineering as one of your passions that you haven't outgrown, climbing and being a director are two different things.